selah
these internet cafes are something else. i’ve got the guy right next to me perusing "spanknet.net", the old asian man two computers down from me is on "blackpeoplemeet.com" (i swear to you i am not joking), and then there is the owner of the place who is dry heaving so violently that i am pretty sure his lungs are going to be exposed to the open air in a second here and i’m going to have to engage him in a prayer of miraculous healing. with the help of the holy spirit, of course. i do wish i could afford my own laptop, but this is all beside the point.
the week in a nutshell could be described as life in its fullest - the good, the bad, the ugly, the joyous, the unbearable, the sense of being invincible. all of it was apart of these last seven days.
the week began with a bit of a reality check, as i found out just how bad my good friend’s health might be getting. a bit of fear always peeks its head in when words like surgery and cancer come into play. the first night all of this came around, i stayed awake all but thirty minutes.
but as the week progressed, hope began to shed its light into the darker places of my heart - the place where worry and fear and doubt of God’s goodness dwelled. and i’d be lying if i said that my conscious was fully clean of all of this. there is still sorrow and a bit of insecurity in the uncertainty of the whole situation. but this is where faith and trust come into play. and my prayer is that in the end, i would be found as someone who nurtured peace and hope into those around me, especially my friend going through this at this time.
in other news, i have found the greatest hotdogs in new york city - a little hole in the wall right off of bowery and canal, next to the fung wah bus terminal. it is chinatown at its finest, my friends. who would’ve thought that the most girthy and juicy wieners would be found in chinatown?! only a dollar for one of these badboys, if you’re ever in the city, get out and see the lil’ asian lady inside the hole in the wall hotdog stand.
easter is the greatest season of the christian faith because it is the time of year in which we celebrate grace and freedom. a sort of spiritual independence day is what it is. a morning full of lounging on the couch, lunch at a friends’ appartment which included meeting an array of new people, service in the evening that was both spiritually enriching and deeply sacred. and to top the day off, dinner with jaci at this great sushi place down the street from st. paul’s (the place in which origins meets on sunday nights). the day couldn’t have been any more perfect. from midtown to chelsea, a group of us walked and absorbed the sunshine and the city. jaci was kind enough to engage in tonight’s service, which is basically sharing apart of the most important aspect of who i am - my faith and worship in Jesus Christ.
and so another week is passed. my EIGHTH WEEK here in new york, in fact. i think this calls for a bit of celebration, don’t you?
postscript:
last night i was moping around the apartment because i was not able to score tickets to the hotel cafe tour which included ingrid michaelson, joshua radin, pricilla ahn, cary brothers, sara bareilles and many more singer/songwriters. but with some self-motivation as well as some encouragement from jaci, i decided to take my chances and head down to the fillmore to see if there were any tickets left to the sold out show.
so i get there and intently walk up to the first doorman i see and ask, "ok, are there anymore tickets or what?" his biceps pulsating underneath his tight-fitting black shirt and his beady eyes looking down at me, he asked, "are you by yourself?" of course i told him that i was, and he replied, "you lucked out, young lady." apparently just moments before i walked up to the door, someone handed the doorman an extra ticket to give away. and the receipient of that ticket was me! after walking around the back of the venue to find the perfect spot to watch the show, i ended up in the balcony overlooking the crowd below, and every act of the night in clear view. what a way to feel favor from the heavens, i tell ya!
see
to you:
i wish you could see how this whole deal works, you know? there are many complications, yes. i understand that it’s all hard to understand. but what if we’re not meant to grasp this with our intellect? what if we’re more than just a bag full of bones and nerves and organs? what if we’re deeper and more meaningful than meets the eye? what if i told you that you were born with a seal that represents your destiny and path to which you were designed to live? would you believe then?
i get that you’ve seen the ugliest looks and heard the most cutting words and have walked right into hell because of these. i know that everything seems to be unfair and that bad things shouldn’t happen to good people. i know how long a lonely night can be... but what if i could finally move a mountain or take away all physical ailments with one wave of my hand? what if i could read straight into the deepest fears of your heart and strongest ambitions of your soul, then give meaning to every detail? or what if i could speak into existence the sense of belonging that you have searched for all this time? would you believe then?
would you trust me then?
would you give me a chance then?
would you let me in then?
living
here is my march 15th myspace blog entry:
the city seems to be singing to me today, with its orchestra of taxi horns and sirens, its choir of businessmen, tourists, street vendors, students - every language known to man being sung in a harmony that can be described as nothing short of angelic. there is always something new going on around here, and each day comes with its own trials. yet today my heart feels so grateful to be able to live in this moment, at this place and time. i worked early today so i have the rest of the day to do whatever i wish. this brings me so much joy that i could shriek out of excitement! both of my roommates are out of town. yep, jaci and patrick are gone and i have the home to myself (minus the three lil’ furballs who actually own the place and allow us to inhabit their living areas). maybe i will go home, give the bathtub a little scrub (i swear i didn’t mean to rhyme there), and then soak in it for a few minutes or hours.
jaci, michael schools and i wandered the lower east side last night, and there was one moment that instantaneously and almost simultaneously all three of us agreed that there was no other place we would rather be than walking these streets, living in this city, absorbing the perfectly chilled night, enjoying each others’ company and finding ourselves in the greatest feeling any man can have - contentment.
my life is by no means a fairy tail. yet there is most definitely NO room for me to complain. contentment has yet to be a constant state of living for me, but today i find myself in such a state of gratitude simply to be living. how unfortunate it is for those who have never felt this type of contentment - to never experience the freedom of living comfortably in your own skin!
to quote the apostle paul’s letter to timothy again this blog, there is a passage that is fitting for this scenario of contentment:
"...True godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content." I Timothy 6:6-8 (NLT)
the more i release my fear of my future, my self-image, my finances, and whatever else may be stealing my life - i find contentment...
goodness
here is my march 3rd entry from the myspace blog - a follow-up to my last blog "unfortunate":
in a time when i thought for a moment that honesty and truth is scarcely found, someone has proven to me that there are people who still possess goodness and sincerity in them. if you read my last blog, you should be aware of the fact that i lost my phone in some random moment walking through downtown boston. that night, i came to grips with the reality that i probably would never see my phone again and that i ultimately could live without one if i needed to (since cell phones really are just luxury rather than necessity). so yesterday, you could imagine that i paid no mind to my lost cell phone.
and then markita called. i do not know who this woman was, i may never know. the only thing i know of her is that she called my roommates cell phone to inform me that she had found mine and would like to return it to me. it was a simple interaction with this woman - we gave her the name and address of our hotel, she dropped it off, we thanked her ecstatically, and that was it. when we returned to our hotel, the front desk handed us the phone, and i now have it right here in my pocket.
markita didn't have to go out of her way to return my phone, yet she did. on a sunday afternoon, probably her day off, she went downtown and made sure that my cell phone was returned to me. now, whether or you believe it or not, i truly believe that the goodness that is displayed by humans not only reflects the character of that person, but i believe that all good things ultimately reflect the good and the grace that comes from our Father in heaven. there really is no greater good than the force that would move a person to go out of their way for a complete stranger! and if not from the Creator, where would that force, that instinct that often times we forget to recognize, originate from? we blame God and ask Him why our trials and pain are present in our lives, yet we often fail to recognize Him and thank Him in even the smallest, minute moments of good.
so to markita, whoever you may be, i say thank you for no denying the form of godliness that you possess in you.
"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power." 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NIV)
unfortunate
i am in boston this weekend - my roommates and i decided to take a little roadtrip about two hours north of our beloved city of brooklyn/new york. i do not have to work until tuesday, so these next few days have been set apart to be relaxing. that was, of course, until forty-five minutes ago when i realized that my cell phone was missing. a couple of months ago i was walking in downtown stockton after watching a late-night movie when i realized my cell phone had fallen off of my belt clip. tonight was the same scenario, different day.
there is no explination as to why circumstances like this come along. i vividly remember moments tonight when i was on my cell phone, doing whatever it is i do - texting, taking photos and videos, playing guitar hero (yes, i know it's a little dorky, but i love the game so much)! funny how, for even a split second, having my phone in my hand made me feel good, as if i was connected to those on the other side of it. it comes with an ounce of pride, to own nice things all in the name of convenience and entertainment. but i often forget just how easy it is to regard theses types of things as necessity - cell phones, vehicles, the internet, brand name clothing.
i would like to say that i am beyond the desire to strongly want and even think i need these things, but i'm not. i walked a good ten blocks, retracing my steps from the pub we were at to the hotel we are staying in, in hopes of finding my cell phone on some random sidewalk. unfortunately i could not find it, and now i am left to either feel angry, disappointed or at peace with the fact that i am alright even without my phone. am i frustrated? absolutely! especially since it costs money (money i can't really afford to spend) to replace my phone... not to mention the hassle of the replacement process. but now it's my choice to let this whole thing ruin my weekend. i suppose i can just think about it when i get back, and let life move on, yeah?
other than that, things are going well... i really cannot complain - loving life, loving God, loving people! it's the way to go, fer sure.
