Tuesday, August 18, 2009

summer of song

so many melodies being birthed in this season. i wonder what the fruit all of this will be. there was a time when i wanted nothing more than to be a songwriter. i would listen to lectures on writing lyrics and i would read articles and interviews on songwriting. some of the best lyricists were being played on constant repeat over my ipod during that season of my life. talk about forcing material! the stuff i wrote back then was horrible. i mean, in my opinion anyways. but a funny thing happened. sometime last year, without even trying, melodies and lyrics began to come out of me that i actually liked. i mean, heck if i know whether or not anyone else enjoys them or not. but i would pen some words, hum a few bars and things would come together. and they're still coming together quite nicely, if i do say so myself.

i wonder if these expressions are speaking of deeper things. this has been a summer of disarray for me, both emotionally and spiritually. there have been a lot of questions about what i believe and why i believe them, beliefs and ideas and teachings that i once used to build the foundation of who i am. a lot of messing, pulling at the roots stuff... as if i allowed myself to be stripped down and disected. luckily, at the core of all the surgery, there was still some life left to survive. i'm not dead and that's always a good thing, right?

but in times like this, you get to see what you're really made of. it's good stuff! and maybe i've been a songwriter all along, i just couldn't see the material that was sincere underneath all of the formulas and facades.

[untitled]

writer's note: as of right now, i'm so stuck on this one. its beginning was so organic, but it soon became stagnant.

-----

we laid there as the sun came down
and kissed our skin
i swore i'd never come back
yet i'm in your arms again
this heart will never follow
what my mind has tried to preach
gone to turn around and run away
but my freedom's out of reach
and you have me

we're silent and you hold me
pound my first into your chest
i always need someone to hold me
yet i hate you nonetheless
you have my greatest memories
and i'm trying to forget...