from train rides to airplanes
the april 2nd entry, written on the airtrain as i made my way to the airport to fly home to california:
the sun is rising over queens - i havent seen it rise in far too long. the freeways are filled with people beginning their new days, but i am going home and in a sense, i am ending the honeymoon of my life in new york city. the first eight weeks may have already passed, but i pray to God that the romance will keep with me through these next few months of life. i have a feeling that it will be crucial, after this first visit home, for love to fill my heart. i do not say this for the anyone's sake but my own. the hardest and loneliest times are yet to come, i am sure. but as david said it the psalms: let love and faithfulness never leave you. bind them around your neck, write them on the tablets of your heart. then you will win favor in the sight of God and men. i will take heed to these words, love God and men to the best of my ability, and with God's grace, continue to live this adventure of a life. but in the mean time, california, here i come!
a seagull in brooklyn
closed last night and on the ride home gave away all of my marked out sandwiches to a homeless man asking for money. so i am tired, i am hungry and i have no money (hence the reason why i gave him sandwiches instead of cash). but what is bothering me most is not the fact that my left hand and left side is in pain from slipping, falling and dropping two cash drawers on the floor in my backroom. what i really can’t shake is the fact that i am leaving bright and early tomorrow morning for california, i am going to see friends and family who i love and i haven’t seen in a couple of months and who i will not see after this trip for God only knows how long. yet all i can feel is a sense of sadness as if i am going to miss new york while i am gone.
this city grows on you. it has grown on me, anyways. and although there are a few aspects of my life here that i would want to see changed or at least further developed, i have to say that i am beginning to love it more than i imagined i would. and even though starbucks on 35th & 5th has yet to compete with downtown stockton starbucks, i am beginning to enjoy my role and my place among the partners there (whatever the heck it may be, since i am still figuring that out) - they affectionately call me "medium". (of course, only after i told them the reason why people would call me that, but still...) and though i miss being able to have my own bathroom or even my own room for that matter, and with everything in me i miss being able to interact with my parents, sisters and cousins on a daily basis, i never realized just how much i care about jaci and patrick until this moment when i know in my heart i will miss them - even despite the fact that they may not miss me or even care for me as much.
now, i know what some of you might be saying: "miriam, why are you being so dramatic? you’re only going to be gone for a week." there really is no explanation, other than the fact that my heart is changing again. this is always a good thing to recognize, the seasons of the soul. i look back at where my heart’s affections have been, where they are now and wherever they might be headed. it’s been a great journey so far and i know that whatever lies ahead will be worth the wait.
so i will now just sit in the comforting silence of this apartment, i will feel the cool air from the window come over my whole body and i will be grateful for the chance to live many more new and experiences and to love a large spectrum of new(er) people in my life. i will not live with regret, and i will remember to cherish every detail of the moment - from the comfy bed that i lay in to the single, random seagull that just flew by the window singing.
