hurt
broken. humanity is broken. this wicked, wide-eyed world, mulling over its hurt. hungry for answers, starving for a cure to humanity. fallenness. a lesser-kingdom cell of disease and pestilence, degradating innocence. moving slowly downward spiral staircase toward hell.
i am 25 years old and i have seen many gross things - hearts of men who have both loved and lost, and have never been fully known or free. 25 years old and i have divorced friends, depressed friends, friends who were lost but once were found, friends who have sifted through men's doctrines and morals and lifestyles of service, yet find no wholeness or healing [only found in the loving eyes of a man who also happens to be a God who longs deeply for only broken ones]. these days i have friends who are hardly friends because of dimensions and paradigms and heights and depths of truth between the two places in which we stand. so much offense, bitterness, loneliness, entitlement, independence. and it KILLS ME to think that we all have come from the same roots... yet there is now a grave difference in who we have become.
call this observation pride. but if pride comes with this constant stream of tears that has flowed from my face day and night, week upon week, month upon month, year after year, then i am the most arrogant of us all. God help us, God save us.
Labels: brokenness, freedom, friends, humanity, longing
known
i am known, yet i am hidden. parts of my heart still remain unseen, tucked away behind my two warm eyes and my smiling mouth. i am surrounded with no retreat in sight.
ask me one more time how my day has gone, only to finish my sentence and change the subject swiftly. i didn't have anything efficient or useful to say anyhow, just ramblings and heart spurts that would probably result in tears and silence. how i wish that today this silence possessed a face i could touch and two ears that would listen. alas, the face that i long to touch is not yet within reach, and the ears that are listening only pick up the echoes of my little whisper penetrating through the earth's atmosphere, into the heavens passed the crystal sea, through the outer courts, the throneroom and into the heart of my beloved.
"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see (Him) face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." I Corinthians 13:12 (NIV)
Labels: contemplation, longing, silence
love
"hold me close, let your love surround me
bring me near, draw me to your side
as i wait, i'll rise up like the eagles
and i will soar to you, your spirit leads me on
in the power of your love." -darlene zscheh, "power of your love
weight
there is this unidentified weight resting slightly on my chest, the type of weight that is mysterious. this weight creeps in unsuspectingly, but is not always dark. it invokes silence and contemplation; it tills the ground of my mind. there is a beautiful longing in which words cannot express. it is this weight that seems to be present in the moments of my silence. in these moments, my heart is crying out for a home i have not seen and a Lover i have yet to hold. i embrace this cry, and i will be found wanting on the day of His return.
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kabad is the hebrew root for the word "glory" in the old testament. it's literal translation is " to be
heavy, be
weighty, be grievous, be hard, be rich, be honourable, be glorious, be burdensome, be honoured."
Labels: contemplation, longing, silence, weight
