so help me God
i've allowed myself to go several weeks without writing. this should be a very clear sign to me and everyone else that i have done a very poor job of allowing my mind to catch up with my body. i sit here and it seems that my mind is completely blank - no thought provoking ideas, no new lyrics or lines, no funny stories from my childhood. in all honesty, the only thing that is in my mind right now is "so help me God" by DC Talk: "so help me God, to put my faith in you/ so help me God, before i come unglued/ call it my addiction, i can't get enough of you/ so help me God, to put my faith in you".
"unglued" would be the right term for my current state. there is a certain point of busyness that one reaches in which the person's thoughts, desires and pains all become brushed to the side. this is new york city. i am sure anyone i come across can relate. don't get me wrong, i enjoy learning and a good challenge. and i did not enter into school for nothing - there is great purpose in why i've taken the plunge. yet i am seeing the consequences of the laziness i used to have when it came to studying and discipline. it is a great feat for me to focus in, especially when there are always people around to engage in and to be with. i love being with others so much.
so for now, i take Paul's advice: "I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." (I Cor. 9:27) as much as i promote discipline, i will be disciplined. as much as i claim to love learning, i will focus my mind and absorb all that is required to do well in my studies. in the end, i know that my times of rest and play will be sweeter as i've done all i can to work hard, with precision and excellence.
Labels: discipline, help, rest
dead men
an entry i typed up on my way to california for my sister's high school graduation. this one goes out to all of my beloved kingsians.
(written 5/29/2010 7:09AM)
early morning flight out of the city - i am not a stranger to these. in fact, they are more familiar to me than the kind of flying you do that is conducive to the hours you keep in normal life. flying red-eyes would be normal if i were a vampire. one day i will be able to afford convenience; that day is not today.
four hours of sleep is actually very generous for an early morning flight. i am sure my current alertness has something to do with the fact that i slept through my alarm, only to be awakened by the grace of God and the light of dawn peering through my bedroom window. thank God for caitie. if it wasn't for her, i wouldn't have made it out the door on time (despite the fact that she forgot to zip up my laptop bag, which almost resulted in my brand new macbook pro crashing poetically to the group - "young lady waits her whole life to own technology for herself/ alas, her dream lasted for one night"). she even left me a little present - a heath bar and leftover pizza from last night's dinner. she's going to make a great wife for some lucky bastard someday. for now, she is mine, and i couldn't be any more grateful. (most.)
i set out to use the plane ride to catch up on my reading, because one cannot get enough "theory and practice of counseling & psychotherapy" at 7 in the morning. instead, i cannot get rene descartes out of my mind. i have not officially studied philosophy until this semester. now that i am doing so, i am beginning to think that i have been somewhat of a philosopher all along. all of these theories about life, God and the origin of man - i cannot seem to get enough. i wonder what it would be like to receive both acclaim and opposition simply because of the thoughts you conjured up . if i had a dime for every decent thought i produced, i would be flying in a private jet instead of this packed 757.
i think of maslow and his hierarchy of needs, how he came to the conclusion that man would not begin to think of culture, philosophy, beauty, origin of man, if his basic needs were not met. i understand this idea; it takes a unique person to think along these lines even if his or her stomach is impoverished. may i be so bold to say that i feel as though i may be one of these?
ever since the beginning of my life in new york city, i have kept students of
the king's college very close to me. they are so lofty in their thoughts, something that i would give them grief about. i never imagined that i could share this interest, a desire to waste my days pondering the thoughts of old, dead men. socrates, plato, aristotle, descartes, locke, hume - caitie often refers to these men as her close friends. (don't tell her i told you that.) although i still think it odd (and slightly unhealthy for her social capabilities), i can see why these men so strongly capture her attention.
far too many minds are going to waste. there are some people in my philosophy class who, i would venture to say, have hardly thought thoughts that were not mainly funneled into them by their parents, pastors, peers, culture and the media. the average high school student knows more details about lady gaga's eccentricities than they know about themselves - what they think is true, their personal values, what is in their own heart to accomplish and who they want to become. professor cid, my philosophy professor and the head of the PHI department at my school, has every physical attribute of your average late 30's/early 40's, harlem-raised dominican man, down to the accent and the speed of speech. (dominicans talk FAST!) yet he said that when he was starting out college as a business major, he could not seem to get away from questioning EVERYTHING and thinking beyond the level that most of his counterparts gravitated in. "i don't give a damn about grades or quizzes, i need you to walk out of this classroom knowing that you can think, that you can use your own mind!" he yells in our faces. and i am taking his advice - i must learn how to think, and think well.
by saying these things, i am not implying that i would like to attend the king's college anytime soon (maybe one day, just for fun). i'm not even interested in changing my major to philosophy or anything like that. what i am trying to say is that each one of us has a mind. not just a brain, but a mind that can produce its own thoughts, ideas & opinions. and i don't know about you, but i very well intend to use my mind, thank you very much.
Labels: intellect, knowledge, philosophy
