safe haven

harsh realities

it has been exactly one month since my last day of work at the green machine (aka starbucks). all the things that i was hoping to accomplish - a consistency in writing music, consistency in blogging, more time invested into trinity grace, more time for deeper relationships within my MC and lifegroup, discovery of the direction that i would like to move toward. i have hardly scratched the surface. 30 days. it has been 30 days and already i am feeling both bored and bothered by the fact that i am going to be 25 years old and without a college degree or a job. sure, these things are minimalistic in the grandeur spectrum of existence, right? or so they say.

the truth is that i just don't have clarity in what it is exactly that i want. i sat across the table from ray east last week. if anyone has any idea about ray, he is like he yoda of spiritual living. ray is one of the most Christ-like men i have ever come across, and i have come across some really amazing men in my 24.75 years of existence. so ray and i are talking about what my next steps in life are going to be, and he asks me the question, "so what is it that you want to do?" simple enough, right? "what i want to do..." sadly, i couldn't answer him. for far too long i have operated from what i am "supposed to be doing" rather than what i want to be doing. i mean, really, who lives like that? ask anyone! the jobs most people currently work and the lives they currently lead do not fit their ideal lifestyle. this is just how the world works, isn't it?

"you do not have, because you do not ask. you ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. you adulterous people! do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?" james 4:2-4 (ESV)

the question now is what is it that i really want? and do i actually believe that the desires of my heart and my dreams can come true? it just seems too good to be true.

posted by miriam @ 11:02 AM