sexual activity
i am really getting into sex god by rob bell. in commemoration of valentine's day, i thought it fitting for me, a young and single woman, to find something to read that has to do with relationships. i figure (and let's just be honest here) sex and God are like two of my favorite things, so why wouldn't i check this book out? and ok, i haven't actually participated in the act of sex, but according to the bible's definition of sexuality and rob bell's explination, i am one sexual being!in the beginning of time, humankind was created to be freely connected to God and each other - no trying to impress people with our intellectual fervor or physical strength or outward trappings. the Genesis accounts tells the story of a time when nakedness was more than just bare bodies, it was a pure, intimate and deep connection. but from the time of the fall to the present, God has done everything in His power and authority to restore this connection with us. likewise, in each human being there is a longing to connect on a level that goes beyond physical attraction - everyone, no matter how hard they try and convince you otherwise, hates being lonely. being here in new york, so far from the people that i love the most, my greatest fear is that i would feel loneliness and sorrow. but i'll tell you, despite the moments where my humanity collides with my spirituality (the times when i feel the pain of loneliness or fear or frustration of not having full control of my life and its circumstances), i have felt so much love being poured over my life by the One who has designed it.
yesterday was valentine's day and i am sure that to the untrained eye, i seemed like a loser - i wandered in and out of random stores completely alone, singing and dancing with myself as i blasted some rockin' hymns on my ipod (for some reason i could not stop listening to the hymn "the solid rock"), waiting for my take-out dinner as lovers and friends dined together around me. but honest to goodness, i felt so far from feeling lonely. i felt secure in who i am - my faults and all! i felt joy because i have been spared of the heartache that comes from living life trying to acquire love and affection in my own futile strength. and i felt awestruck because i am learning that sexuality has more to do with the how naked, vulnerable and honest my relationships are with others, and it has less to do with how much sex you have. the real stuff is much harder than the casual sex or social dating that most people do as a means to get to relationship because it takes honesty and sacrifice and a whole lot of patience. it takes work and it takes me being honest with my ugliness, the imperfect and self-absorbant part of who i am. real relationship takes changing my ugliness, slowly but surely. but i wish nothing more than to find this kind of connection with those in my life now, and in hopes that one day i can find THE ONE relationship that could very well result in me leaving and cleaving, if you know what i mean! as the bible says, "the two will become one flesh..."
so in conclusion, i just want you to know that i don't care if you think that i am some sexually repressed prude that knows nothing of how human physiology should work. i don't need to have sex to know that it's good, cuz what i really want more than a physical experience is to have intimacy - some deep, intellectual, spiritual, emotional connection with God and men.
Currently reading :
Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality And Spirituality
By Rob Bell
Release date: By March, 2007
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